What you Gain when you Give up Control
How do we provide for our kids without creating a sense of entitlement? How do we create sanity in our lives as parents while also fostering responsibility in our children?
Today, I’m featuring long-term innovator Jennifer Liebermann who helps organizations imagine new futures after founding and leading Kaiser Permanente’s Garfield Innovation Center for 15 years.
Not surprisingly, Jennifer applies the same tools she uses professionally to give her two kids, aged 10 & 15, more autonomy and choice in their lives. And guess what? Doing this made her and her husband’s lives easier.
Check out my interview with Jennifer below:
What was a pain point in your family that you wanted to address?
For me, summer invokes dread. We spend countless hours planning their camps, shuttling them to and fro and in the end, they never say they like it.
What was your solution?
With my kids turning 10 & 15 last summer, I tried something new. I invited the entire family to design a summer that worked for all of us. I facilitated a visioning session similar to what I do for my clients. It went a little something like this:
+ What does your ideal summer look like?
+ What does a terrible summer look like?
+ What could you contribute to having a good summer?
By asking these questions of all of us, we all got to voice our needs.
What were the results?
This summer was dramatically different. This year I felt a greater sense of peace.
+ My 15 year old son decided he did not want to go to camp, but instead got a job.+ My 10 year old went to three sleep away camps as a tween wanting to make new friends.
When my son was exhausted from work or my 10 year old was confronted with challenges, rather than whining about it, they built the muscle of navigating life’s choices.
What’s a take-home message for you?
I gave my kids a low-stakes way to make decisions for themselves.
As a result, both my kids gained a deeper understanding of who they are and how they want to be in the world. And my husband and I had a lot more time to ourselves to get the work done that we wanted to. It was a total win-win.
What advice can you offer readers?
This isn’t about giving in to all the demands of our kids, but about engaging them in the decision-making process as a path to independence.
What are ways that you can engage your kids in decision-making, regardless of their age, to create a win-win for everyone in the family?
We have an upcoming 3 day weekend in November – try this out!
Thank you Jennifer for sharing your story with us! I think it’s safe to say that co-creation can be a great approach that leaves kids feeling empowered and provides more sanity for parents.