Optimizing for Smiles
When I was a kid, my older brother taught me that when you hold a pencil lengthwise in your mouth, you feel happier.
He explained that activating your smile muscles signals to your body that you’re happy.
In this season of my life, I’m embracing the sheer power of a smile more than ever through small, everyday moments with my family and in my neighborhood.
And honestly, it feels really good.
It’s like the dopamine hit of a social media “like” but real.
Here’s how I’ve been quietly designing my life for more smiles:
Wearing vibrant, playful clothes that invite conversation
Getting to know my neighbors and saying hi when I see them
Greeting my kids with big hugs and smiles as they run toward me
Enthusiastically waving and smiling at familiar faces at school events
Putting out toys each morning at the toy library and chatting with other parents
A smile is a bid for connection. It says, “you belong here.” And I believe the world would be a better place if we offered that to each other more often.
I know this might sound simplistic or naive, and maybe it is, but I’m staking my flag here anyway.
Because I believe in building something better while the world around us feels like it’s unraveling. While the ache and turmoil are on full display everywhere we turn.
And the truth is, choosing the joy of a smile is not easy.
It is vulnerable. It is uncomfortable. It requires us to face parts of ourselves we would rather avoid, and to choose love anyway for ourselves and for each other.
Before we can offer a smile, most of us are quietly wrestling with questions like:
Am I safe? If we think a smile won’t be reciprocated our bodies can feel threatened, so we practice feeling safe within ourselves.
Am I enough? If we feel ashamed of our imperfections, offering or receiving a smile can feel like too much, so we practice meeting our flaws with love and acceptance.
Do I have value? Pausing to connect can make us look less busy and therefore less valuable by society’s standards, so we practice recognizing our inherent value.
Letting this joy in requires its own kind of courage.
Most of us keep it contained, small enough to feel manageable.
But for those who want to expand their capacity for joy, a smile is a good place to start.
What has helped you experience joy these days?
If you could use support in letting more joy into your life, my coaching combines traditional talking modalities, as well as somatic, mindfulness and visual techniques to guide you through the process.
I have two spots open for 1:1 coaching clients. Learn more here.
PS- if you are in the Bay Area this weekend I will be practicing smile optimization more visibly as the MC for a Mom’s Fashion Parade this Sunday, Mother’s Day, at noon on 9th and Irving at the Inner Sunset Flea Market. I’d love for you to join.
It is an invitation to come smile. To let the weight we carry take a break, even briefly.
And if it feels a little scary, I will be there with extra boas.