Do We Actually Want to Work?
A study from New America just dropped after surveying more than 5,000 parents with children under six, and the results were surprisingly validating: most parents want to work less and live more.
Personally, my career has already spanned 19 years. If I’m lucky, I can retire in another 20. That’s nearly four decades of working.
Sometimes I compare that to my mom, who worked for roughly 15 years after her divorce, and I find myself sitting with conflicting feelings.
I was raised a feminist and never imagined not wanting to give my all to a career I care deeply about. I’ve helped build a national organization, I’ve given talks in front of hundreds of people, and facilitated thousands of hours of group sessions.
And yet, the higher I climbed, the less meaningful work felt.
Smiling and nodding was safer than speaking up.
Billable hours were more important than client satisfaction.
Relationships were about networking rather than genuine connection.
I find myself wrestling with my own identity and somewhat recent disdain for corporate work. To explore this I could…
point to capitalism for dehumanizing work more and more.
look at the economy that increasingly requires two incomes to support family life.
wonder why no one warned me that working forever isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
The simplest answer could be that our society taught me that we create the most meaning through our work and I simply don’t believe this anymore.
And when I look at the data, I see an interesting signal that’s worth paying attention to:
More than half of mothers with children under six preferred part-time or flexible work. An additional group said they would prefer not to work for pay at all during this season of life.
This chart suggests that many mothers of young children are trying to create lives where work is important, but not all-consuming. Perhaps, like me, they see meaning in things that rarely appear on a résumé. That…
community building is valuable.
caring for relationships is valuable.
creating a beautiful home and nourishing food is valuable.
And yes, men can value these things too, and some differences between men and women in this chart may be shaped by socialization.
But when we insist that women should want exactly what men want, as I was taught to believe, I worry that we unintentionally reinforce that deeper cultural assumption: that paid work is the highest form of contribution.
And for me, this no longer rings true.
So yeah, in this season of my life with young kids, my ideal is working 20 hours a week on heartfelt work, while also having time for walks, lunch with friends, organizing community events, and showing up happy and present when I pick-up my kids.
It’s nice to know from this report that I’m not alone.
If I could give my 20 year old self advice it would likely be:
There will be seasons of hustle and seasons of slowness. Prepare for both in your marriage and your bank account.
PS.- for those on a similar path, I recommend meeting with a financial planner. I did that two years ago and it made a huge difference. I recently met, Abi, who helps moms map out their financial transitions. Check out her resources or reach out to her.
I feel the seasons of hustle and the seasons of slowness. But maybe it's just work slowness. Because the rest of life feels HECTIC and fast right now!